The (Independent*) Porn Review

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THE ORIGINAL 1st SERIES TV PROPOSAL...


Proposed format: A camera and director cum sound man follow Casper & Phyco around revealing the underbelly of the British sex industry via their dry comedy adventures. Very gritty vibe, low saturation colour, Alan Clarke etc.

A gonzo shot black comedy in the tradition of Marion & Geoff, Human Remains, Withnail & I, Man Bites Dog etc.

8 episodes at half hour a piece.

Part scripted dialogue/part improvisation, Casper & Phyco are fierce advocates of porn, yet by their very nature provide a strong argument against its over consumption.

At heart, Casper & Phyco is a satire on the British Porn Industry. The viewer should identify with the tragedy of the two central characters and the inevitability of their failings.

Much of the Casper & Phyco story has been played out in truth. The scenes and routines described [...below] and in script form are largely transcriptions of actual events played out "in character" between 1998 and 2003.

The original Independent Porn Review, whilst in writing, generated a readership of several thousand regular international readers per each weekly episode. The site in it's archived form still attracts many thousands of hits per day and continues to generate feedback, fan mail and revenue via sales links. The Porn industry themselves accept Casper & Phyco as being factual, and continue to promote new products via the Independent Porn Review...

Background:

Casper & Phyco wear black suits and live in a shit flat, which acts as an office from where they run their website "Casper & Phyco's The Independent Porn Review"

Casper & Phyco are self-appointed authorities on all things adult entertainment.

They have a healthy following, appear on television, make themselves known at industry events and arbitrary public occasions and have aspirations of making it to the big time - alternative A list celebrities - an ambition embodied by their mission: "The million pound wank". They are however quite incapable of achieving desired results due to chronic drug habits/wanking too much/being poor businessmen/failing to realise opportunity/general and numerous dysfunctionalities etc.

Their claim to be wholly independent, "porn philanthropists" is betrayed by the reality of their endeavours; they will endorse any product or brand in exchange for free samples and they concentrate only on products that they themselves find to be interesting/arousing/amusing, ignoring their readership altogether. In terms of personal taste - Phyco is enamored with pretty young girls ("teens") while Casper is preoccupied with old dogs ("wives"). What they have in common, are frequently ill-informed opinions, an arrogant manner, and grandiose delusions. Beneath the thin veneer of their confident/amiable public persona, they are both barely able to conceal their considerable failings. These are as follows:

Phyco is "damaged". Anxiety and paranoia are in evidence in varying degrees of subtlety. Phyco is obsessively passionate about the ambitions of the website and The Independent Porn Review, to the extent of it being all-consuming. He catalogues and maintains the IPR archive with a demonstrably unhealthy enthusiasm.

Casper, on the other hand, has become utterly disillusioned with the pursuits of the IPR, and has an extremely limited view of pornography in general. We suspect that he simply has nothing better to do.

The developing dynamic between the Casper and Phyco characters is rooted in this unhappy disparity. Phyco is becoming a bag of nerves, desperate for Casper's support. Casper is frequently preoccupied with getting a proper job/dealing drugs/looking sharp etc. The domestic relationship between C&P is intense, Casper never forthcoming with the sensitivities Phyco needs.




Outline of Series 1 - proposed scenarios:


Casper & Phyco running "The Independent Porn Review". Posting the weekly report, dealing with questions and feedback emails etc.

Promoting their brand on the web/around the porno mags - trying to get new columns.

Drinking in "The Spread Eagle" and sex pubs in Shoreditch. Exploring the red light flats around Soho.

Their house - like something out of Richard Billingham's photograph album - and they're proud of it - true connoisseurs of gritty Englsh working class aesthetic.

Casper & Phyco doing a film shoot for TV. Phyco stops off at the tramps clinic in Kings Cross for "a talking to" to sort his head out before the gig - Phyco suffers from anxiety, alcoholism, manic compulsive disorder, depression etc. After the job they feel ripped off and cynical about television, and "anyway it gets in the way of more important [non earning] pursuits."

C&P in total poverty. Horrible living conditions. Running the IPR. Tension between C&P. Blocked toilets.

Phyco claiming benefits/social fund/disability etc. trying to make ends meet financially. Dodgy business, drugs and more unhygienic poverty.

Casper & Phyco are offered more work on television - but they're reluctant: "you sweat your bollocks off for a couple of students with silly haircuts and goatee beards for two hours under them hot lights repeating everything three hundred times and then all they give you is half the money you were promised in the first place a cold cup of tea and a bloody headache. To top it off you get paid by cheque and then it turns out the program is never going to be shown anyway because all the stingy bastards were after was a few free tapes... nah man... we know the game when it comes to television... it aint worth the hassle..." etc. etc. to camera.

Exploring the massage parlours around London.

Casper & Phyco go on a road trip to Brighton to visit their old friend the porn producer Phil McCavity. Who thinks they're a pair of idiots. Phil's wife is Violet Storm, porn actress, C&P are always awkward, embarrassed and inappropriate when confronted with the reality of the business/nudity etc.

They distribute old porno mags in the country road verges for young lads on bikes to find. "The porn fairies" at work.

There's always a barrage of american email feedback from their site and they put it down to "yanks - going over the top all the time", favouring home grown feedback and horrible home made photos sent in by email. Phyco maintains the archives. They know very little about creating revenue, marketing, business, computers etc. "Phyco does all that."

C&P trying to get an agent to represent them. Dismal failings.

Casper & Phyco running around in their car. Front seat dialogues filmed from the back, motoring around London up to no good and trying to get money etc.

C&P are approached by a famous British documentary maker. They meet him and put on an outrageous performance for a screen test, which impresses him no end. But they decide not to bother doing a shoot for him: "like we said - just after some free tapes, the dirty old sod... they're all the same these TV people - all take and no give... yeah he didn't have a clue, proper muppett" etc. to camera. Later, Casper & Phyco are watching the Awards on telly and same director collects the Bafta for a previous best documentary. The cameraman points out it's the same man and C&P "remain very still and quiet for some time".

Casper & Phyco hanging around the strip-pubs in Shoreditch. Dreaming the dream - making plans for the future.

Casper & Phyco go "Dogging". Exploring the world of "car fun", bush creeping peeping and the outdoor swingers scene. People who have sex in car parks.

C&P get approached by US Cable channel about doing a "thing", and they respond with usual cynicism's about television work etc.

They try to set themselves up as male escorts. Dismal results.

More Dogging. The US cable channel hassling C&P for action, poor responses.

Poverty, Casper's dealing, the DSS sessions, Phyco's ill health/breakdown.

More pressure from the US, C&P totally distracted by Dogging.

They go to America for the cable channel - they're pleased to be "getting an holiday", and are ill prepared.They don't know that they're developing an enormous following in the U.S. The colour switch from gritty saturated English to vibrant LA at that final moment: Fans waiting at the airport etc. C&P are incredulous: "Fuck-in-ell...". Cut film.

Series 2: "Casper & Phyco in America". Utterly unable to adapt to the US, inappropriate and eccentric, C&P remain staunchly horrible-English: the fish out of water story, 8 episodes, half hour a pop... end of project.

Until the film.